Surviving or Thriving?

We have lived now lived in East Asia for about a year and a half and I have been reflecting lately about our life here and about how far we've come... but several things have made me realize lately that I am still in a "survival stage" of living cross- culturally. I have no idea how long the adjustment period is for most people, but I keep wondering when it's going to stop feeling like we've gotten separated from our tour group and start feeling a little more like a home.

In several ways we have settled in- we know enough of the language to get around and we're often asked to do some simple translations. We have a cozy albeit tiny apartment with warm water in the shower and we've even got a sweet TV (where we both cried at the last episode of 24) and wireless Internet that allows us to keep up with our family.

But in other ways, we're still up to our ears in culture shock. We thought we'd learned about all the weird culture taboos, but we are still constantly putting our foot in our mouth or making a friend lose face. We thought we'd get used to the disorganization- from the post office down to our class schedule. We're still dumbfounded at how people in this city drive BMW's but the farmers water their crops with buckets of water that they carry on their shoulders--- and don't even get me started on the hygiene or medical care.

I say all this because I wonder if I've lead family and friends back home to think that we are doing better than we really are.

For instance, I threw a HUGE fit at the Internet company last week because all we needed to do was renew our service... what should have taken 10 minutes turned into over an hour of confusion. She changed the monthly price for the internet three times during the conversation, made up various rules as she went along and then, out of nowhere, told us we need to change the account information and also said we had to pay for a whole year now, not month by month. The price was also double what it had been last year.

Oh and by the way, the man wouldn't be able to come to the house for a week to set up the new internet cable (that we didn't need in the first place) and we could pay for the internet by the minute until then. I calculated the cost of us using the internet as much as we do for a week and told my teacher that one week of doing internet like that would cost 800 kuai. (which should pay for a 9 months worth of internet)

We finally had to ask to see a manual of some sort where we could understand our options and see the set guidelines... what do you know, there is no such manual! So we were forced to ask her- are you making this up as you go along? Are you changing the price because we're Americans? I also politely informed her that we're not rich- we don't even have a job in China. (We have every right to ask if she's changing the price for foreigners- when we go to buy things that aren't priced we often hear someone say "They should pay more, they are rich". They have no idea we can understand what they are saying)

We tried to understand her ramblings for an hour and a half- finally our teacher (who was there helping us translate) told us to go home and she would sort it out. I think the vein in my neck was beginning to scare her.

Scott stood up and said "thank you" to the woman and I turned on him like a madwoman and whispered "Don't you DARE say thank you to her. Don't even smile at her". I may have also said a cuss word. Mom and Dad should be so proud.

So my basic ponderings lately have been this: after a year and a half, are we still in survival mode, or are we thriving in this new home? The Lord has brought a lot of things to light for me the past couple of days. Despite my increasingly steady quiet times and spiritual disciplines, I've completely forgotten the meaning of leaning on Him. The last time I turned to the Lord and said "I can't do this in my own power" was when we realized we couldn't get pregnant on our own.

I also can't remember the last time I was regularly confessing my sins to the Lord. I was so ashamed and shocked at how superficial my quiet times had been that I could read the Word for 20 minutes and not be convicted of even one tiny sin I had committed the day before. (and trust me, there's plenty to confess... you read the internet story right?)

All of that lead me to think about this same argument Scott and I have been having over and over- it's not the exact same argument, but I guarantee the root issue is the same. If I am not humble and broken before God, how can I be selfless and loving to my husband???

No wonder I'm sill struggling to transition into a 'thriving' lifestyle. I don't know if I've always thought I could do this on my own, or it's a sin that has crept in since we've been here.

I hope I never forget how empty and desperate it feels to try to live life- especially cross culturally- depending on myself. Praise the Lord for His gentle reminder.

Romans 2:4 It's the kindness of God that leads us to repentance